Nov 29, 2009


faith children

i will miss your first steps... but i know you will take them joyfully.

Nov 28, 2009


rain ramble

you know how they say "there's no such thing as bad weather; just bad clothing?" this is totally true. buy some waterproof shoes and quit being a pussy.

Nov 27, 2009



little wings, wonderue, si si. look into it.

Nov 26, 2009


things to be cherished like the thought of heaven

every year around thanksgiving i make a long list of things i'm grateful for. is that cheesy? oh well. in the past it's taken up pages and pages in my journal and consists of things like pink cowboy boots, favorite watering holes, coffee in the morning on a sunday etc. etc.

i am a very thankful person.

this year things feel simpler. it just seems like over the past two years through a series of trials, successes, failures and other filters things have been distilled down the strongest and most important graces.

i'm thankful for
- health
- family
- good friends new and especially old
- home
- the woods, the mountains, the deserts, the oceans and every blade of grass (fine i'm a hippy!)
- inspiration
- motivation
- endless possibility
- endless wonder
- you

- and ok, yes, coffee in the morning on a sunday.

happy thanksgiving babies.

Nov 25, 2009



it was impossible to imagine on the first day of high school, waiting in line for our books, that you would become my best friend. i never once thought when we first met that we would become neighbors; that we would beat a trail through the woods to get to each others houses, and that we would one day live in california together. and the boys. who could know when we all first started riding around in the bronco that we would all wait in the hospital and have to say goodbye to our friends. we swam in the summer lakes without a thought of the wild and dark days we would go through.
how could we ever know that day when you asked me if i went to fairhaven and invited me to lunch that we would share so much together? so many new years eves (in different countries and millenia), thanksgivings, holidays, birthdays, boys, photos, homes, cities, states, years?

we could never know then.

still i think we just knew we would always be in each others lives even when we weren't.
but the most amazing thing, that i never never saw coming, was how much i would love your baby boy the very moment i laid eyes on him.

one thing i know for certain is that i always, always will. xo

Nov 22, 2009


"you're a mean girl, i'm dead."

this is frankie ray... she's amazing.



Nov 20, 2009


nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't

it came as a total surprise to me that today was my birthday. yes! again! my birthday! i had no idea.

this is jim.....

Nov 19, 2009


going away

americas loss is new zealands gain! hey i have a place to stay in new zealand now right? right?

this is abi.... and we'll really miss her.

Nov 18, 2009



is today your birthday? happy birthday! i'm so glad you were born.
is it your sobriety birthday? happy birthday! congratulations!
was your birthday recently? happy belated birthday! i hope you got cupcakes.

if it's not your birthday, just keep this in your backpocket until the blessed day arrives.

i'll probably forget to say it then.

Nov 17, 2009



i wish i could say something grand, the perfect thing. i wish i could say the perfect thing that would be just exactly what you need to hear. i wish i was inspiring and could speak words that motivated, propelled, that could spur armies to march forward, even into certain death; words that were so powerful they moved people to change the world.

i wish that was a talent of mine.

then finding the words to help you would be easy, words that could fill your heart with fiery courage and make you perfect, steely, resolute and brave. these would be words of action and very different from the ones i would use to try and keep you from being afraid. i am better at those words. the soothing words. i know what i would say to try and make your fear go away.. then i would say,

"it's ok. it is all ok. don't worry. nothing to worry about, what a joke! it will be ok. you will be ok. you are ok."

so maybe i should say the opposite.

"it's not ok. the way things are is simply not right and you are the only one who can change them. it's up to you. you have to fix it. help. change things, make it right."

which would you rather be? unafraid? or brave?

Nov 16, 2009


dear debra

it's been two years. i want so much for you to be here, even momentarily, so i can give you all the gossip! i've ached for you when times were hard, i've missed your wisdom and your intent focus, your insight. but that ache is nothing compared to how very much i miss you now when times are good. i want to share all this with you, the way we did.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss us.

no one wore giddy optimism and mischievous, naive joy with such style. i want to go on an adventure with you! there are so many cabbies still to befriend! so many cute boys to flirt with! so many songs to dance to! so many photos to shoot! so many damn boots to try on!
i'm carrying on with all that without you but at every turn i know you're there, my phantom half, and i always know when you'd be proud and when you'd shake your head in amazement or reproach. but even though i already know i want to hear - what do you think of my haircut? my new boots? my letter? my blog? my date? my outfit? the opportunities i've been presented with? all my new photos? my new life?

i think you would be so very proud of me.

and i miss nothing so much as i miss you telling me so.
i still love you little buddy, forever. a big stinging part of me is you. i'm grateful..... but it's not the same.



daughter sister friend

this is shay....


"feel good soon..."


shay's birthday

also it was very depressing.



obviously i was very bored.


walking pneumonia

i got sent home with $100 worth of medication and walking pneumonia. i don't quite get why they call it that since the only cure is to lie down and sleep... forever. it was actually kinda scary, since i couldn't breathe.


not gonna lie, i took this yesterday.

Nov 10, 2009

Nov 8, 2009



there are two things i will always pick up off the ground and keep; stars and fortunes.

stars and fortunes.

Nov 7, 2009


the spire

a remedy for despair
1. get out of bed
2. shower thoroughly
3. dress comfortably and thoughtfully
4. walk through the woods.
5. walk to the spire, right up to it
6. circle around to the east side
7. wedge yourself in between the logs
8. stay silently wedged for as long as necessary: statuelike
9. walk home



and this...


blue ridge

this is what i dreamed...



This is what swine flu looks like - a ceiling for days. I had nothing but this view and fever dreams.

Nov 3, 2009


just like tom thumb's blues

Nov 2, 2009


double digit cupcake

this was seriously the best cupcake in the history of the world. i think i'm good now.

if you would like to know how to attempt to create the goodness and love that was this pumpkin cupcake go here:


a picture of a photograph

it says:

one day many many many many days and years from now they say the sun will burn out. it will happen so far in the future that you and i and your pets and kids and kids kids will not be around to see this miraculous occurrence.

i didn't want you to feel left out. like you missed something.
so i drew you a picture.

isn't it beautiful?


i'll never tell

so i've been alive now for 29 halloweens. and 28 years. i don't know alot, i'm willing to learn more, i'm ready to experience much. i have picked up a bit here and there... i do know this..

*red lipstick always works.
*coffee mugs are the most useful kind of cup, and the funkiest
*rucksacks trump purses
*write it down especially if 'it' is a drunken conversation between 2 of your friends. or directions
*make goals
*execute goals
*read copiously
*you can use mussel shells to eat your mussels instead of forks
*people need hugs, including you grumpy.
*there is a reason its hard. deal with it.
*dreams are telling you something, don't dismiss
*it is possible to have too many cupcakes but it takes effort - believe.
*outside is the best side
*don't collect things you don't use... unless they have magical powers
*i always wish you were here with me.
when you lay your head down at night i hope you can hear the rain on your roof.

happy halloween babies.


midnight birthday

i have been cutting up a tshirt for the last 1/2 hour. i am nowhere near done. when ben handed me the scissors he said, "they work good, i use them to cut my hair so... snip snip!"

this explains alot about ben's hair.


dream day

some people forget the perfect immaculate savagery of being.
but not you.


life's no fun without a good scare