Feb 27, 2010

2.27.10

slacker ridge

this is corinne and this is angela..... aka coco, and minx.

2.26.10

i heart sf.

going back to the small town that i'm from, i get asked alot of questions about the famous city where i now live.

yes. it's very expensive. uh-huh there are alot of gay people there. it's true.

there are other things about san francisco... harder to articulate. but even more important.

Feb 26, 2010

2.25.10

going away grilled cheese

steph is leaving kobbe for the east bay. steph you will be missed! gossip girl will be about half as funny without you. in fact i may no longer watch it at all in protest.

ok that's a lie.
xo

Feb 24, 2010

Feb 23, 2010

2.23.10

happy national pancake day babies!

this is my brother john... he's my favorite person in the world.

2.22.10

kissingly

Feb 21, 2010

2.21.10

sunday and it rains

we had a little sunday morning photoshoot. excuse the image quality as this is a photo of a polaroid but;

this is val and this is mikey........

2.20.10

the marriage

2.19.10

infinite

again it somehow is that now feels like forever. it can be so hard to remember that time passes, that things change. joy turns to sorrow, love to grief, confusion to clarity, pain subsides and turns to relief. spring comes. spring always comes. and if you should die in the winter spring will still come after you've gone. and if you've lost someone you will live again, and if you've lost yourself nothing waits for you. everything keeps right on going, right on changing, right on living all around you. the world is harsh and savage and relentlessly beautiful. it will provide the balm for all the wounds it gives you. and it will keep giving. giving and giving and you will not know why. it will give when you least expect it and most need it and you will also get what you never want and what you can't give back. trust though that there is no meaningless gift, no pointless season, no useless moment. it's hard to remember in the enormity of the present and the emotions that seem to fill you up and stretch out to infinite that those feelings are nothing, a speck. they have been felt again and again before you, around you and will continue to be felt after you. your pain won't stop the spring. your love won't move the moon. you are beautiful nothing. you are a brief moment of beauty that will burn out and fade and make way for the next. try to remember that it's not you that is important or unique, or powerful, or pivotal. it is your one moment, your one lucky chance to see life and what it holds. just live it. accept it's gifts.

Feb 19, 2010

2.18.10

housesitting

it's spring and things are being born. i lie awake until 3 am racing with thoughts of creation. done housesitting tomorrow, and i'm coming back to the city to make manifest.
xo

Feb 17, 2010

2.17.10

bde - 2

... film is still my one true love.

Feb 14, 2010

2.14.10

rule # 33

happy valentines day babies.

someone loves you.

2.13.10

another nowhere lullaby

2.12.10

no spain no gain

Feb 11, 2010

Feb 10, 2010

2.9.10

emily's favorite tree

2.8.10

endless

aaahhhh! ok i can't help it. i have to post one more. this is ariel...........

Feb 8, 2010

2.7.10

daydream

had a photoshoot at slide ranch: ariel clay modeled, shawn burke did hair and makeup, shaydom helped me, and sasha duerr fossel and casey larkin made the fantastic clothes. i'm giving myself a month to get my website together because it hurts to only post just one photo. i'll let you all know when it's up. it will be a huge "look what i can do" moment.

thank you so much everyone.

2.6.10

ben comes back

this is ben............
if you need cheering up just ask him to please come visit and sing to you. he might actually do it.

Feb 5, 2010

2.5.10

kitchen window morning

the woods; at rear house; don't pass on me. look into it.

Feb 4, 2010

2.4.10

this is actually a completely unrelated tattoo.

i hope you have never lost someone you love. if you have, believe me when i say i'm sorry, and believe me when i say i understand.....

that is a thing you either understand.....or you will.

a very wise and beautiful woman once told me that when the teacher dies you have to internalize the teacher, and become the teacher. that is how people keep living. they live through you in their strongest, best ways.
she was speaking to me about the death of someone who was very much a mentor/sister/teacher in my life but i think that anyone you lose can be a teacher. every single life and story has something that you can internalize and take with you through your life.

the thing about doing that... about internalizing someone, especially someone close to you... is that you can't ignore the pain that you have to go through in remembering and honoring them. you have to really experience the longing and the frustration of mourning. if you ignore it, if you refuse to look at it, the good and the bad, then you aren't going to digest it and synthesize it and live with it. it will be some hard, half-formed thing. some obsidian bit riding around in your heart.
the key i think is to let everything be ok. you have to just let it be ok. if you are mad, if you are distraught, or hysterical, or disgusted; whatever you feel when these memories shimmer to the surface, or slam into you during the most inopportune moments (say at home depot), you just have to allow yourself to be that way. it's ok. just let it be horribly uncomfortable and accept that there is nothing you can do about it.

you just have to go right through it, and let it go right through you. you cannot go around, or under, or away. it has to radiate right fucking through you. it has to get in your cells.

and then the best parts of them are tattooed into you. it hurts. but it's permanent.

Feb 1, 2010

1.31.10

the apothecary

1.30.10

la la

this is kenya rose........

1.29.10

Italicsummerland

i worked as a nanny when i first moved to california years ago. the two little boys, elijah and bronson, lived on an avocado and lemon farm in summerland, california. we liked to collect lady bugs and climb avocado trees. i used to pull the boys in their little red wagon down to this beach where we would throw things in the water and play games which usually involved killing me.
let's see.... bronson would be around 13 now and elijah around 10.

and yet i haven't aged a god damn day. amazing.

1.28.10

i am a bird now

1.27.10

bob

san rafael. salon de cota. tomi lyn hayes. look into it.

1.26.10

drying out