happiest birthday my most darling christoph!
Dec 29, 2010
Dec 25, 2010
the best present ever
i got almost everything that i wanted for christmas. except the tickets to paris (april or may) turned out to be tickets to fiji in march. thanks johno - even better! here's my list for this year:
- even more family time
- utah time
- continued perfect health
- a 5d mark 2
- tickets to italy
- strength of mind and purpose
- a million new adventures with my dearest old friends
just kidding!!!! i love it. merry christmas babies!!!!! xo
Dec 22, 2010
Dec 19, 2010
new home number 9
this old house
somehow by giving up a permanent address and residence and technically having no home, i've acquired many homes and lots of addresses. i have a shipping address but it's different than my billing address, i also have a forwarding address that differs from both the former and the latter. none of these will be current for very long except the forwarding address which will likely change in a few months. then there is the address listed on my id which is different than the address on my passport and both of these are different than every previously listed address. i've started laughing and sighing awkwardly when people ask where i live.
i have no real space of my own anymore but pretty much call home wherever i lay my head for more than oh... i don't know... 3 days? therefore right now i live, technically, at home. at my mom's house in bellingham. (this is also different than where i'm from, kind of half way, and different from where i've been living, that is to say where i was living before living all over and all that is different than where i went to from here, originally.)
anyway i'll be here for two weeks more, including two holidays. it is cold and wet and the sun never really leaves the southern corner of the sky if it comes out at all, but it is nice to be back. there is nowhere like btown.
Dec 14, 2010
new home number 8
mile high skies
when i think of colorado, i think of where i grew up; rural, remote, wild, epic, southwestern. it is odd to be here with my family in the city. it is odd to see my same fantastic skies punctured with street lights and buildings. it's odd to see my father, who during my childhood moved us further and further away from people, embracing the shiny new urban life that's sprung up in the denver area. it feels a bit upside down. it doesn't quite have the feel of home. the one thing though; the sign that i am indeed in colorado, even if i look outside and see a pool instead of rolling fields and rising mountains, is the sky - the sky is unmistakable.
there are no skies like colorado skies, this turns out to be as true here in denver as it is in norwood and even after all this time, and even here walking through parking lots and housing developments... they take my breath away.
Dec 12, 2010
Dec 10, 2010
it's about damn time
this is the infamous shannon........... i adore her.
so who better to spend my last moments in san francisco with? couldn't have been more perfect. trains arrived on time, lines were non-existent, screening was painless and here i find myself with time to spare before jetting off for real. goodbye san francisco, goodbye california. i love you so.
"one day if i do go to heaven..... i'll look around and say, 'it ain't bad, but it ain't san francisco." - herb caen
Dec 9, 2010
Dec 7, 2010
Dec 4, 2010
Dec 2, 2010
Dec 1, 2010
goodbye humboldt county
i got pretty sentimental for a moment today driving this familiar road for what will be the last time in a long time. it was rainy, foggy, miserable really and there i was falling even more in love.
i haven't been alone in months. not really. i think the last time was when i was sick at eli's. so that was.... september. at all times i've been in a tribe, or at the very least a pair. sleeping, waking, eating, working, playing, exploring, resting, through it all i've been with people. and then today, at last, alone in the car with my thoughts and the rain.
so wouldn't you know it... when i finally got my solo quiet time to ponder and reflect what do you think i thought about?
how much i miss you all......the family that i didn't see coming.
the rain will do that to a girl i guess.
Nov 30, 2010
i miss walker
i planted this garden with kalei and jaz. that was when it was windy and hot in the hills. today i walked alone in the freezing rain and with icy fingers took all the lettuce out..... because it's going to snow.
i've officially been up here too long.
paint it black
i feel acutely during this last trip up the hill how thoroughly i have dismantled who i was just four short months ago. so much has been let go of, given away, forgotten, sold, lost, destroyed, given up, released and renounced. every new surrender becomes easier and easier. at every turn i realize what i no longer need, or care about because at every turn there is some test, or trial, or accident that takes something away. inhibitions, hangups, fears; these things are shed like 5o pound bags of salt, tripods, typewriters and road maps. even the most sentimental of things, once abandoned, no longer hold that power over me.
what will i be when i leave here? how much more easily will i move through the world? i finally see the light at the end of this tunnel, and i see myself going through it, going towards it, and finding out. and that is exciting indeed.