for almost a year i've been carrying around a postcard of wharariki. richard gave it to me when i left. i've covered so many miles, been to several countries, cities and states. i've been on the road, off the grid, on and off the map, and in each spot, wherever i am, i put this postcard by my bed. no matter where i am or what i'm doing, everytime i look at this picture and it flips my guts and flutters my heart. i've been waiting for so long to return to this one small beach.
and finally, finally after thousands of miles and two planes i reached the south island. and at last after a ride up the coast and a bus from kaikoura i reached the nelson region. and then after hauling my stuff at 5:45am in the rain to the bus stop and catching the damp shuttle van to matueka and transferring to an even smaller, damper shuttle i reached golden bay. and now, in collingwood, not even 45 km away; i'm stuck. i literally cannot go any further - the roads have flooded.
so i get a cheap room and i hide out from the downpour with clean sheets and chekhov and i put this damn postcard up one more time; and my guts twist and my heart screams at it's nearness and i think, 'ive waited this long, what is just. one. more. day?'
"in her imagination life stretched before her, a new, vast, infinitely spacious life, and this life, though still obscure and full of mysteries, lured and atrracted her." - chekhov
"i have the strangest feeling riding in the back of the taxi to linda's cottage on colombo st. that i have gone back in time. the day, the drizzle, the overcast morning light is exactly the same as it was upon my arrival to christchurch nearly one year ago. the green grass, trees, flowers everywhere make the streets look identical. the difference is that this time i'm getting a ride to a friend's house instead of a hostel.
no one is here at the colombo cottage and i have solitude and silence as i wash my face and comb my hair. time to think in quiet about what i'll do next. there is no note, no welcome except one - the best one possible:
this has been the best and at times hardest two months of my life. no matter what short term goals i may have for myself my overall goal is always the same: learn more. in that respect my goal was reached on a daily basis, every day that i spent here.
it is interesting to feel changes happening. to feel shifts occurring. to feel the person you are becoming.
i am so thankful for this place, this time and this opportunity. but i can't spend one more day here.