Oct 12, 2017


i set an intention to read 24 books this year, with this book i accomplished that goal.  hurray!


Oct 7, 2017


how long does it take to come back and meet yourself?

how many wrong turns, breathtaking views, how many detours can you take before you end up home again?  

how long do you run from what can't be outrun?

where do you hide from your own beating heart?

breathe in.
breath out.
remember who you are?
remember the clay you're shaped from.

ten years to face what can never be faced.

a decade of hiding from your own breaking heart.

only to feel it break again as if no time had passed at all.

as if you closed your eyes
and opened them in the dim light
of a parking garage.
in the passenger seat of a car.
listening to the last words ever spoken.

how many songs and conversations to cover what can never be unheard?

how many years of silence would erase it?

these are the words that made you.

and you can never be unmade.


how can i send you a return letter?


a long time ago i put a big part of myself in a box, closed it up, put it away and never looked back.  today i opened it again. 


fall swim


goodbye john 

roo is always so sad when john leaves.  just like me.



"guns.  i grew up with guns.  i grew up in very small town america; norwood, colorado.  in fifth grade we were required to take a hunter's safety course.  so at the age of ten we went out in the fields around town with targets and weapons and learned to lock, load and shoot pistols, rifles, shotguns, semi-automatic weapons.  the rifle being the most memorable to me at the time.  i loved it.  i was an excellent shot.

i am a gun owner.  i am a native born coloradoan from deep, deep in the heart of nra country.  i believe in our right to bear arms.  i believe that fully automatic assault rifles should be illegal.  i believe insane people should be unable to own weapons.  i believe that we can all sit back and wait on a nice long background check before taking our guns home from the gun show.  i don't believe the 2nd amendment and gun control have be mutually exclusive.  i don't believe someone should be unchecked in their ability to purchase and stockpile enough heavy artillery to massacre people.  

there is a lot of mythology we grow up with regarding guns, our 2nd ammendment and gun legislation.  but here's a fact: norwood, colorado has a population of 572 as of 2016.  527 were injured and 59 killed in vegas yesterday.  if an entire town of people - say for example my entire town of norwood - were injured or killed, would anything change?  would there be any change to gun legislation?  would we protect other towns?  will we protect future victims?  my heart breaks because i'm afraid the answer is no."







"i awoke from a dream about trimming, and trim scenes, and the golden glow of adventure and misogyny.  a bunch of women, kept sometimes literally in a tower, working for a man.  the good old days.  there we worked, day in, day out, cut off from the outside world.  testing our patience, our courage, our livers, our minds, until the leaves turned gold and the air grew chilly.  we worked and worked until pumpkins came, until it snowed, until we couldn't work another day.  then - freedom!  giant stacks of cash and freedom to go wherever, to be your own guide.  to leave town and never look back; until the next season.  

it's fall here now, so the hills have infiltrated my subconscious.

last night we slept with the windows shut.  the air is much cooler and the leaves are turning and falling. but fall in this world just isn't as exciting as fall in that other."




nurture & nourish retreat day 2

dharma means; the root, to uphold, to support, that which nourishes, that which sustains.  so to truly nourish ourselves mind, body and soul we have to address our root - our dharma or purpose.  this doesn't have to be one single task which we devote our entire life to - although for some it may be.  it might be something that nourishes our soul and lights up our path by bringing us to who we are like singing or hiking.  

this is why we practice tuning into the energy of the heart.  without being able to truly feel and listen to the heart we miss our own desires that push us towards our dharma.




1. Bring the thumb to touch the tip of the pointer finger, or halfway between the middle knuckle and tip of the pointer finger.

2. Extend the 3 remaining fingers, keeping them straight and gently spread.

3. Manifest the mudra with both hands simultaneously.

4.  Relax the shoulders, hold the hands around the navel or solar plexus, with fingers pointing away from the body.

5.  Take deep full breaths feeling the powerful energy at the solar plexus, the Manipura Chakra.
Ahamkara is translated as "I-maker" and corresponds to the ego.  This mudra helps to build self-confidence and personal power and corresponds with the Manipura Chakra.  It may be practiced when self-confidence needs a boost, when one is feeling self-conscious, doubtful in their abilities, low, and fearful.  It helps to eliminate negative energies from the body and develope a positive attitude.  This mudra helps to fortify self-importance and aids us in expressing it appropriately.   It can be practiced daily, beginning with 10 minutes a day.  




we're a long way from the city days.








ytt day 1









my 4 year old neighbor leaves me little notes in my mailbox.  today was probably my favorite one.


i hate getting pedicures. 



"... i've been processing what i'd like to leave in the past and what i'd like to use from my past to perfect my present.  i definitely want to clean house; ridding myself of comparison, competitiveness, and jealousy.  i especially want to leave behind any negative feelings towards women.  i want to take my great love and admiration for my sisters and develop that into feelings of respect and support for all women working hard and doing their thing.  i've always been easily happy for the success of others and i want to keep that with me and expand it even more, allowing it to strengthen and bolster these feelings of female empowerment.  
i want this to show up in action by putting my gifts to use creating and facilitating spaces for women to grow and connect - through activity, through vulnerability, through humor, through adventure, through nature and through yoga.  these are all building blocks in who i am and have been foundational in building healthy change in my life.  i know that this combination works and i want to do my very best to share it with others.
i want to be kind.  i want to be a liker not a hater, a supporter not a detractor, a positive force to move things forward, knowing that we area ll connected and when one succeeds we all benefit! aho!"


grape seasonthis is just a reminder: you blink and a year has passed.  don't blink.


For almost an hour and a half we watched as the sliver of the moon over the sun turned into a thumbprint and then the sun itself turned into a sliver. The air began to cool, then the light began to dim. It was very different than cloud cover; the shadows and light fell exactly the same way but it was as if the volume was turned down. It began to get cold enough for Russ to put on a jacket.
Then the last moment arrived. We held hands in a giant field of sage and watched as the last sliver turned into black. "It's here!" I shouted at the sky. We threw off the glasses and looked straight at the black sun, ringed in a blazing corona of white, suspended in a dark sky that turned from dusky blue into a 360 degree horizon of purple and pink. Planets twinkled in the darkness.
The sight instantly sent a shock wave through my heart and I howled, cried, laughed and looked at Russ Bennett , who's face wore the same amazement, disbelief, and giddy joy that I felt. "I can't believe it!" I think I kept saying with a shaky voice. My whole body was shaking. I did take a few hurried photos, but they didn't do it any justice.
It was truly indescribable and unforgettable to stand there in that field of sage, bathed in the purple light of a 360 degree sunset, looking up at the dusky sky with glowing planets and the blazing white halo ringed around that black sun. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen - in a life mostly dedicated to seeking beauty.