Jan 26, 2012
i was sitting on the porch the other night speaking with jeurgen - the lovely bespectacled german man who owns a flower shop near cologne. he's an elderly man, in a striped shirt and the hair he has left is grey. in somewhat broken english he told me that he'd always wanted to travel but that marriage, career, kids, had prevented it. the path he was on tied him down. now, his kids grown, his second wife home to watch their flower shops, he has the opportunity to come to new zealand and he's taken it. he's always been interested in the country, finally he can fulfill that dream of visiting. he tells me it's good to travel when you're young and have no serious roots in a place. i tell him it's never too late. he asks me what my plans are. i'm honest about having absolutely no idea. it's good to enjoy that for a while, he tells me, but eventually you need to make some (ostensibly in preparation for old age), you cannot always live in the moment.
which is funny to me since that's what i'm always striving to do... and often failing miserably at.
there is something under the surface of this vague goal of being totally present, some lump under the carpet, some shape behind the curtain and my guess is it's the simple, hopeful idea that by living correctly in the present you'll be carried towards the path you're meant for. perhaps you can never truly plan - only react. i'd like to think so..... since i've never been a planner. (but at the same time i'm always planning - the perenially shifting planner.)
but what if jeurgen is right?
how do you ride both horses? living in the moment but still planning for the future? and isn't planning presupposing life itself is an inorganic, unfluctuating space for you to work in as opposed to a creative, organic force that may already have plans for you based on the overall, all-inclusive view of the universe that you yourself are incapable of attaining?
or is this just what i'm hoping to avoid making any plans or future commitments?
i'm banking on the fact that reality is an illusion, all of this a grand dream without an end or beginning and that nothing really matters anyway.
i love you.
Jan 20, 2012
Jan 16, 2012
willow said, "you remind me of a peacock."
i said, "is that my bird?"
"yes, to me that's your bird."
"am i loud and obnoxious in the morning?"
"nah, when you're drunk.... and you're soooooo pretty."
"aw thanks buddy.""you're always leaving pieces of yourself everywhere, and you can't exactly fly... but you get around."
i sent postcards to wharariki from each place i traveled to this year. there are alot! it's nice and surreal to be working in the office and look up at my many, many, destinations..... i think when i'm done here i'll go back to the desert.
Jan 5, 2012
i refuse to believe in elaborate coincidence.
a new woofer showed up at camp while i was at the beach. she was helping me with the cleaning the next morning when two consecutive surprises occurred.
1) i was wiping the dining table and picking up the papers on it. i picked up a ticket stub, looked closer and realized it was my plane ticket.... from last year. (!@#O$*Y@O#!?????)
2) i walked over to caybrinne (the woofer) to show her and noticed her wrist. left wrist, tattoo, same place as mine. wait... same tattoo as mine???? (!@*8s>&p;*%kj*!!!!)
ok so upon closer inspection it wasn't exactly the same. she has an extra X. one other thing. neither of us ever explains to anyone what this tattoo means.
now what on earth do you make of this?..... cause it's blowing all our minds.
here are some of my resolutions for 2012, i'll be brief.
- i resolve to start a new photo project and showcase some of it here on this blog (i need a new drug.)
- i resolve to go to one new place on my short list of places to go. (probably bali.)
- i resolve to feed the right wolf.- i resolve to terrify myself constantly and relentlessly.