i feel acutely during this last trip up the hill how thoroughly i have dismantled who i was just four short months ago. so much has been let go of, given away, forgotten, sold, lost, destroyed, given up, released and renounced. every new surrender becomes easier and easier. at every turn i realize what i no longer need, or care about because at every turn there is some test, or trial, or accident that takes something away. inhibitions, hangups, fears; these things are shed like 5o pound bags of salt, tripods, typewriters and road maps. even the most sentimental of things, once abandoned, no longer hold that power over me.
what will i be when i leave here? how much more easily will i move through the world? i finally see the light at the end of this tunnel, and i see myself going through it, going towards it, and finding out. and that is exciting indeed.