it's been two years. i want so much for you to be here, even momentarily, so i can give you all the gossip! i've ached for you when times were hard, i've missed your wisdom and your intent focus, your insight. but that ache is nothing compared to how very much i miss you now when times are good. i want to share all this with you, the way we did.
i miss you. i miss you. i miss us.
no one wore giddy optimism and mischievous, naive joy with such style. i want to go on an adventure with you! there are so many cabbies still to befriend! so many cute boys to flirt with! so many songs to dance to! so many photos to shoot! so many damn boots to try on!
i'm carrying on with all that without you but at every turn i know you're there, my phantom half, and i always know when you'd be proud and when you'd shake your head in amazement or reproach. but even though i already know i want to hear - what do you think of my haircut? my new boots? my letter? my blog? my date? my outfit? the opportunities i've been presented with? all my new photos? my new life?
i think you would be so very proud of me.
and i miss nothing so much as i miss you telling me so.
i still love you little buddy, forever. a big stinging part of me is you. i'm grateful..... but it's not the same.