i let this project dwindle and die. i felt too bored with my photos, too frustrated with my lack of exciting subject matter. i wanted more. life as i captured it felt dull to me. my photos were dutiful and uninspired. i felt like i was letting people down. why even do this anymore? something that became such a chore.
i forgot that the value here is not in the individual image, although sometimes they are beautiful, because sometimes life is beautiful. no, the value here is the collection of photos as a whole; the longevity, the consistency, the documentation of years and years. the value is being able to look back over a life, to watch a life unfold, to document a life.
i forgot that sometimes life is boring. sometimes it's simple, and uninspired. sometimes life is a chore. what makes me sad in retrospect is that in my silence, during the almost year long absence, beautiful and important and wonderful things did happen. things that should be part of the bigger picture of my life. and of course i have pictures of these things, but they are glaring omissions from this archive. that saddens me. and motivates me.
part of the problem is, i think, i began to get a lot of viewers and followers and i began to care what they thought. i checked my stats and analytics all too often. what started as a project just for me to share with friends became something that i was doing for other people also. sometimes that pushed me to take better photos, but mostly it stimulated my ego, not my creativity.
so i'm trying this again. yet again. maybe i needed the silence to come back to the calling in my heart. maybe i needed to remember that it's only in the amassing of years that this becomes magnificent, not because each photo is exciting and amazing (but wouldn't that be nice also). maybe i needed to move past numbers and stats and re-inspire myself.
i'm turning off my analytics, i don't care if i'm popular in russia. i don't even care if you're reading this. although i'll keep writing to you.
i realize now who you are.
you are me.
at the end of the project.
whenever that is.
but not yet.
i forgot that the value here is not in the individual image, although sometimes they are beautiful, because sometimes life is beautiful. no, the value here is the collection of photos as a whole; the longevity, the consistency, the documentation of years and years. the value is being able to look back over a life, to watch a life unfold, to document a life.
i forgot that sometimes life is boring. sometimes it's simple, and uninspired. sometimes life is a chore. what makes me sad in retrospect is that in my silence, during the almost year long absence, beautiful and important and wonderful things did happen. things that should be part of the bigger picture of my life. and of course i have pictures of these things, but they are glaring omissions from this archive. that saddens me. and motivates me.
part of the problem is, i think, i began to get a lot of viewers and followers and i began to care what they thought. i checked my stats and analytics all too often. what started as a project just for me to share with friends became something that i was doing for other people also. sometimes that pushed me to take better photos, but mostly it stimulated my ego, not my creativity.
so i'm trying this again. yet again. maybe i needed the silence to come back to the calling in my heart. maybe i needed to remember that it's only in the amassing of years that this becomes magnificent, not because each photo is exciting and amazing (but wouldn't that be nice also). maybe i needed to move past numbers and stats and re-inspire myself.
i'm turning off my analytics, i don't care if i'm popular in russia. i don't even care if you're reading this. although i'll keep writing to you.
i realize now who you are.
you are me.
at the end of the project.
whenever that is.
but not yet.
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