9.20.10

new home number 5

the getting better spot:

it is fall and finally sunny after days of rain and re-cooperation. i needed a place to hide out and heal - somewhere indoors, safe; that was free and didn't stink. he needed someone to sit on the couch, water the plants, and hold down the fort while he went salmon fishing in alaska. it worked out.

for days i emailed, watched tv, texted, ate kale like it was my job, ingested approximately 9 kinds of pills, and slept while the rain poured down outside. i reconnected with people. the perfect people at the right moment. i felt with my whole being that i belonged here and now. i marveled at my luck.

today who should walk in the door and wake me up but j & e from new home number 1. from the first scene.

"you!," e shrieked when she saw me, "marin! i can't believe it's you! what are you doing here?!"

oh. just..... belonging.

it was funny and delightful to sit down to coffee with them as the morning sun streamed in the windows. we caught up and laughed that we should both be here - they visiting, me staying; that the guest should know the visitors, and how randomly the world works.

we talked about what we were doing and where we had been, we talked about throat-chops, and looked at photos. we talked about other people. we talked about business. we talked about dogs. we talked about what we were doing next and where we were going and of course like everyone does, we talked about how crazy new home number 4 is. we chatted and laughed for an hour and had a nice visit before e took her dog and moved on. i cleaned the house.

i am not trying to ascribe any deeper meaning to this synchronicity. i don't need to ask, "what does it all mean?" or dwell in surprise. it does not really surprise me. instead i am delighted, so delighted, that i'm moving through life in this way - fluid and open. that i am carried through places to places to get exactly what i need even when i don't know what i need.

i have never been able to do this so well, probably because it has everything to do with relinquishing control and desire. i've given up. these too are slipping from me as i continue with the letting go.