9.26.10

captain kain

9.25.10

rooster killin day

you know you're in the hills when:

people wave on the road. when shoes are no longer necessary. when roosters wake you up in the morning. when target practice takes place on the front lawn. when you start cutting your own hair with grape snips. when you have to lookout for bears. when you don't know where your phone or wallet are. when you have to burn gas to make coffee or do laundry. when you start collecting dead animals. when the internet and an indoor shower are huge luxuries. when you jump and run at the sight of a plane. when there's citrasolv and olive oil in every shower and by every sink. when your cellphone becomes sticky. when quads get the right of way. when you follow the weather religiously but don't care about the date or time. when checking for water can mean life or death. when there's a beer in your cupholder. when headlamps are your only (essential) accessory. when everything sloooooooowwwwwwsssss down. when the road signs are shot up with bullet holes but seldom observed. when the absence of a sheriff actually makes you feel safer. when you hear gunfire and go running towards it.

this is an ongoing list. i'm taking contributions people.

9.24.10

california i hope that it wakes you

sayonara babies. this tumbleweed is headed back to the hills. i'll see you when i see you.

xo

9.23.10

keith's park

this was a very good adventure.

9.22.10

going to the beach day

this is charlie....... he climbs trees.

today christoph, ryan and i were toasting.
"cheers!" we all said raising glasses.
ryan said, "cheers to tuesday!"
i said, "it's totally wednesday, but cheers! cheers to fucking tuesday!"
ryan said, "cheers to not knowing what day it is!"

that's the way it is here. and i will toast to that.

9.21.10

going to the mall day

"here's the deal. there's two rivers; the positive river and the negative river. one goes to good places, one goes to bad places. there's two... jump on one." - jody bergsma

9.20.10

new home number 5

the getting better spot:

it is fall and finally sunny after days of rain and re-cooperation. i needed a place to hide out and heal - somewhere indoors, safe; that was free and didn't stink. he needed someone to sit on the couch, water the plants, and hold down the fort while he went salmon fishing in alaska. it worked out.

for days i emailed, watched tv, texted, ate kale like it was my job, ingested approximately 9 kinds of pills, and slept while the rain poured down outside. i reconnected with people. the perfect people at the right moment. i felt with my whole being that i belonged here and now. i marveled at my luck.

today who should walk in the door and wake me up but j & e from new home number 1. from the first scene.

"you!," e shrieked when she saw me, "marin! i can't believe it's you! what are you doing here?!"

oh. just..... belonging.

it was funny and delightful to sit down to coffee with them as the morning sun streamed in the windows. we caught up and laughed that we should both be here - they visiting, me staying; that the guest should know the visitors, and how randomly the world works.

we talked about what we were doing and where we had been, we talked about throat-chops, and looked at photos. we talked about other people. we talked about business. we talked about dogs. we talked about what we were doing next and where we were going and of course like everyone does, we talked about how crazy new home number 4 is. we chatted and laughed for an hour and had a nice visit before e took her dog and moved on. i cleaned the house.

i am not trying to ascribe any deeper meaning to this synchronicity. i don't need to ask, "what does it all mean?" or dwell in surprise. it does not really surprise me. instead i am delighted, so delighted, that i'm moving through life in this way - fluid and open. that i am carried through places to places to get exactly what i need even when i don't know what i need.

i have never been able to do this so well, probably because it has everything to do with relinquishing control and desire. i've given up. these too are slipping from me as i continue with the letting go.

9.19.10

just for me, but i thought of you

the wheel, desire and dissolving men, look into it.

9.18.10

home alone

written on the hill, still valid today:

'i miss you today and i wonder what you are doing........

are you driving? are you stuck in traffic? are you at the grocery store? are you at the airport? are you playing the guitar? are you singing? are you baking cookies? are you sleeping in today? are you dreaming? are you looking out your window? are you in your garden? are you working in the sun? are you sitting at a computer? or holding your baby? are you at a restaurant with people we both know? are you at a concert now? are you dancing? are you lighting a candle? are you playing soothing music? are you giving a massage? are you in school? are you at work? are you visiting your family? are you making love? are you kissing someone? are you hailing a cab? are you sitting by the river? are you walking your dog on the beach? are you hunting? are you high on a mountain? are you happy?

are you, perhaps, thinking of me?

i have no way of knowing.

but i like to think of you. and i love you.'

9.17.10

sleeping day

9.16.10

tastes like healing

so i'm super sick. i think it's strep. thankfully i am not in the hills anymore, in fact i'm hiding out at the most healing home ever. it's funny how you get what you need even and especially when it's not what you want.

9.15.10

off the hill

9.14.10

done

9.13.10

jazzy

9.12.10

recipes from hotel california

9.11.10

in the event that you lose your mind

tony said, "do you guys have a plan like for if something goes wrong?"

i said, "define wrong."

9.10.10

i am that

i lost my mind today. like completely and for real. i will probably never be the same now.

hopefully i'll be improved.

9.9.10

part III - to use your phone

"i have discovered," jessi said looking up at me with wide eyes from her crouched position by the bathroom, "if i turn my phone on there, at the top of the stairs, then walk down the stairs, turn around, lean my head to the side and walk backwards to here - i get reception."

9.8.10

this is bubba

yep. that's a log.

9.7.10

the daily commute

9.6.10

rhino racing

this is lisa.............. she's a true bellingham hills girl and a fucking queen.

9.5.10

fly overs

9.4.10

happy birthday fred!

the becky's put on boots, what will happen next?........

........the becky's end up in trucks.

9.3.10

the becky's go to a-way

"i don't know what i'm doing."

9.2.10

river day

9.1.10

k-ray's favorite

"i know your car will make it down, and i think it'll make it back up."

8.31.10

new home number 4

the hotel

because i am a full disclosure kind of gal (mostly) i wish so much i could tell you all about the magic and mystery and menace and utter madness of the world i'm currently adventuring through. it is not, however, a full disclosure kind of place. on the contrary it's hard to get to and hard to last in and impossible to describe. the best i can do is to give glimpses and to assure you that never in my wildest dreams could i have imagined that such experiences awaited me and that such a life even existed.

if you notice that feeling that tells you there is something else, something unknown that you should be doing... don't ignore it. i assure you there is something else, and it's amazing if you're brave enough to chase it.

8.30.10

so hum

8.29.10

the real hills

there are about one zillion stars here. i counted.