12.30.09

farewell

i stand outside and stare at the snow; dangerously mesmerizing as it's always been. i want to stand out here and watch it fall forever, watch and watch even as it covers me and i freeze to death.

i stand outside and catch flakes in my mittened hands. somewhere beyond the ring of the porch light an owl coos in the moon blue night. somewhere beyond that a pack of coyotes yip, yap, howl and hoot as they make their way across the fields, riling dogs as they go.

i stand outside and i stare at the snow. i wish there were wolves out there in the dark. i wish i could run into the snowy night and join them, flakes catching on fur and padding paws muffled in the perfect white silence.

12.29.09

the homestead

sometimes my life is so idyllic it makes me want to puke.

12.28.09

saying i won....

i've decided i need to play more scrabble. it's one of my new years resolutions. anyone?

12.27.09

trophy

12.26.09

colder than a polar bears toenails

before we embarked on our winter snowshoe trek into the mountains today my dad imparted these words of wisdom, "everyone stick together now as we go up through here; there's a ton of mountain lions around. normally you don't have much to worry about with a lion - it'll pretty much leave you alone. the time it won't is if it's young and starving, separated from it's mother. so everyone stay close."

i'd kind of like to say that this was the only time my dad has said anything like this but thats not the case at all. he says stuff like this all the time in all different scenarios.

"don't worry dad," i said, "i'll bring up the rear."

12.25.09

merry and bright

here's my christmas wishlist for 2009.
- perfect health
- yogaworks membership
- a party dress
- a party to wear it
- artwork from my friends
- flashes of universal contentment
- plane tickets to paris (apirl or may)
- more family time
- more big sur time
- lots and lots of love

merry christmas babies.

xo
m*

12.24.09

i love you like a mountain

i love the ocean but when i see this something always clicks inside me and i can breathe again.

home.

12.23.09

"Life's longing for itself"

12.22.09

1 year

so i've been doing this project for one whole year now. obviously until september it lived elsewhere (facebook). now it is here. i had a rough patch in the summer and missed one day here and there but for the most part i've taken at least one photo a day since 12.22.08.

if there is a point to this, besides my own enjoyment, i guess it is just to represent how i see life. it is so beautiful to me. life is amazing. the world is amazing. all of this is really happening. right now! all around you! you should pay attention to it because it goes so fast. i hope you are looking.

but if you're not or you can't. don't worry. i am. always. looking.

12.21.09

cuddy buddies

i really really hate flying. but if i were to go down in a fiery crash i'd want these dudes to be there.

i didn't mean that the way it sounded.

12.20.09

where they'll seat us in the sun

i love you.

12.19.09

checking it twice

12.18.09

premonition

12.17.09

mean reds

sometimes i hear myself on the phone, coordinating pre-pro calls, leaving messages for agency folk, going over wardrobe details and i have this brief flash of actually hearing what i sound like.

i think "my god! when did i get this way?! when did i develop a PHONE VOICE!?? i sound like a freaking travel agent. i sound like dr. laura. wtf is going on here? i used to be such a rebel."

seriously. i should get a job reading books on tape, it's that bad.

12.16.09

the passenger

when i was little my dad and i would play this game; he would drive and i would be his lookout. for every animal i correctly identified there was a prize.

- chump change for raccoons, skunks and porcupines

- a quarter for a doe and a hawk

- fifty cents for a buck and a bald eagle

- a dollar for a bull elk; two dollars if it was more than a 5 point.

a mountain lion was five bucks and obviously the most elusive.

this was my favorite game ever and i was the consistent winner... now, years later, no matter where i am...

...i am always looking.

12.15.09

examination

does anyone else have a strange and inexplicable fear that one day the dish disposal will just turn on by itself while you have your hand down there fishing something out?

no?

ok then, carry on.

12.14.09

monday dance party

cause what are you gonna do? mope?

12.13.09

12 days

i hope you've been nice babies.

12.12.09

powers out again

12.11.09

recovery the sequel

12.10.09

love

such a delicate skin to touch,

such soft bones to crush.

so many small chances to kill it.

yet no amount of blood let is a loss

and no amount drawn is bled enough.

12.9.09

a solving problem

i can't really speak to what it's like to grow up in the place you were born. i've never been a staying person. the last time i counted i have moved 32 times; not 32 states or anything i'm not an army brat but i've moved around a bit from home to home (and yes from state to state). i've never disliked it and even though as a child i had no control over it i always felt that as an adult i would stay a gypsy. i planned on living in san francisco for a year and then bouncing to the next place. i almost did too, after the boyfriend and i broke up for the first time i saw no real reason to remain.

obviously i did.....remain.

in the last five years i've had to fight that itching fever every six months or so. that footloose kind of fever. it keeps me awake. i lie in bed thinking about roads. i wake up and browse craigslist for new apartments. i get drastic haircuts. i plan tattoos. i buy plane tickets, i take random journeys. but i'm still here. i don't quite know why. the urge to go and the instinct to stay are equally strong, fighting it out, and i am the spectator. the vessel. it's taken awhile to recognize that this is a part of me and i'd better figure out a way to keep the rambler happy or i never will be.

i am taking great comfort in good friends. friends that i've now had for years. we don't see each other for stretches at a time, but i'm starting to have a bigger picture of their lives, and they of mine. i have seen them go through things. finish school. finish relationships. finish jobs. etc. and they know my past. they see how far i've come. they ask the right questions and they genuinely care about the answers.

it is what i image home to feel like. and it's nice. i think might stay.

12.8.09

1 light 2

order caviar for dessert. it really confuses the waitstaff.

12.7.09

hailstorm

this is just a reminder:

you usually have to leave your house to find treasure, have adventures, fall in love and - on the flip side - get hit by a bus.

usually.

12.6.09

mysteries of light

if you, on a hike in the marin headlands, found at the top of slacker ridge an altar made of rocks and broken glass, an entreaty to light and lourdes, what would you do? would you stop and hold your breath looking at that cross looking at the clouds there on the top of the world? would you say a little prayer to lourdes and the sky? what would you pray for? luck? love? good grades? good graces? a little mercy? a little money? a little peace? or maybe... would you just say...

thank you?

12.5.09

suzi skis the pyrenees

so saturday was a beautiful day and i did a lot of wonderful and cool things that merited being photographed. in addition to this i hung around with some very attractive and photogenic people. but somehow all i got a picture of was my outfit..

still - super cute yes?

12.4.09

isa estrella

12.3.09

fox den day

jolie holland, the living and the dead, fox in it's hole. look into it.

12.2.09

no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows

the only one i got before the battery died. (pun INTENDED.)

12.1.09

: )

11.30.09

more please.