9.29.09

long term goals

i always used to think that after certain points in my life had been reached, or after certain things had been accomplished, or after i got to better know who i am, things would get easier. like life would become a straight highway and i could just put it on cruise control and enjoy the ride hands-free.

i'm beginning to suspect that things just keep getting more and more real. the good gets better, the bad gets worse..er, but not much gets easier. no one ever tells you this, probably they don't want to scare you.

i'm formulating this idea that it's not just enough to get older and wiser, you also have to get tougher, and lovelier, and freer, and kinder, and gentler, and simpler, and lighter even as layers of life and belongings, and people, and baggage are piled upon you.

it's a lot to ask for. it's alot to demand of yourself.

but why not demand it? why not demand improvement? perfection even? sure it's unattainable but it's nice to have goals. what else were you doing today? were you busy? it is hard, i know. it's so hard, and usually no one even pats you on the back for becoming a better person. most of the time no one even notices; if you're lucky they tell you they like your haircut, or that you've lost weight. but hardly ever does anyone say, "wow, you are so much more gracious than the last time i saw you."

but maybe it is it's own reward, and maybe it makes the really hard times more bearable. hopefully we can all become more forgiving too, so that when we mess up and don't improve, or act like a douche, we can still forgive ourselves and love ourselves. and try again.

9.28.09

retrograde

i'm not sure why the image quality of this image is sucking so much. but that's mercury and the moon.

here's a blurb from some astrological info my mom sent me at the beginning of the month.

Just as we are getting back to school and work routines, September 6 to 29 dishes up another go ‘round of Mercury retrograde. The cycle will start in Libra but backs into Virgo on Sept 17 (through Oct. 9) Mercury retrograde in Libra antics features partnerships, relationships, our social life and the social climate. Sept 6 to Sept 17 puts the spotlight on needs, dependencies, the one-sided-ness of give and take, imbalances, and the tolls of our estimations, projections, and expectations in the above regard. Mercury retrograde in polarizing Libra can prompt legal, financial and contract disputes; more court battles and heated political debates are to be expected. Once Mercury retrograde backs into Virgo, we could experience even more unraveling, complexity, problems, mistakes, complaints, criticism, breakdowns, time-wasting and repair work. The sign of Virgo correlates to work, employees, everyday schedules and routines, health, training/education, pets/small animals. You could find yourself facing a breakdown, resurfacing, or a resurrection of something you assumed was already fixed, completed, a done deal, out of the way, a non-issue, etc. Mercury retrograde in Virgo can expose errors in judgment, flaws in the system or in the rationale; also, it can show you what you missed the first time around. Labor disputes or strikes, equipment, vehicle and communication breakdowns, illness, misdiagnosis are typical of Mercury retrograde. Mercury retrograde will make a series of aspects between Sept 17 - 24.

Positively, Mercury retrograde can bring second chances; it is the right time to try again, to retrace steps, to revisit, return, revise, redo. Note that Mercury will be highly influential past the end of its retrograde cycle. Oct 1 - 10, Mercury will again ignite the Saturn/Uranus opposition.

i don't think i'm the only one who's noticed that this month has been a raging, crazy, random, sometimes tragic bitch. i would like to take this moment to blame mercury for being retrograde...... because that's what people on the west coast do.

9.27.09

autumns kind child

9.26.09

body and soul

9.25.09

heatwave

9.24.09

death and taxes

9.23.09

RIP DFS

9.22.09

if i was a car.

9.21.09

yonder!

9.20.09

old habits

9.19.09

jedi master. nerd party. kobbe mansion.

9.18.09

B.I.N.G.O.

9.17.09

tick check

this is dustin...

http://dustinaksland.com/

9.16.09

balboa

when i can't think of anything to take pictures of i usually take pictures while driving. sometimes of myself. this may end badly one day. sorry dad.

9.15.09

king of the mountain

have you ever climbed a mountain? you probably, definitely should. i would go with you.

but first maybe we should practice climbing. like with a steep hill then a small baby mountain. and work our way up. (pun INTENDED! HAHAH!)

i have been thinking about climbing a mountain lately. it's on my list of things to do.

oddly enough, it's kind of hard to find someone to climb a mountain with you. they always seem to be so busy, or the timing is just bad.

and i understand. it's not like,

"will you go to prom with me?"

everyone needs a prom date. eventually someone will go to prom with you.

or, "will you go out to dinner with me tonight?"

people really love to eat. that's easy.

or even, "will you give me a ride to the airport?"

true friends do things like that.

but even if you are the truest true friend climbing a mountain with someone is a really big commitment.

i mean...

you love me, right?

what is your first instinct when i say

"would you like to climb a mountain with me this weekend?"

i don't want to throw this in your face or anything, but i would totally do it for you.

9.14.09

different paths

9.13.09

house-hunting day

9.12.09

cowgirl

it is a weird thing when a kid who used to ask you to wipe her butt suddenly doesn't want you to see her changing her shirt.

today cowgirl and i made some pretty important decisions. these are the things we decided.

1. we would rather eat octopus snot with eyeballs and livers in it than fall from a cliff onto sharp spears.

2. we would rather be able to fly than be able to see the future OR move things with our minds.

3. we would rather wake up tomorrow covered entirely in feathers we had sprouted than wake up tomorrow with bright blue skin.

4. we would rather live in an awesome giant redwood treehouse than a huge house on the beach.

turns out we have really similar values.

9.10.09

mi wok

9.7.09

delicious. and poisonous.

9.6.09

flashback

you should definitely take a moment to lay in the moonlight of your friends' midnight lawn after hugging them goodbye in the indian summer darkness. they will be inside in the lamplight and warm, but it is better outside on the cool damp grass listening to the trees and stars.

try not to think about how embarrassing it could be for one second if they walked out and found you.

just concentrate on the fact that it's still summer and warm and cool and grassy and starry and reminds you of being 16

and wearing long hippy skirts and taking acid on the back lawn.

and feeling so excited about being a part of the wondrous world revealing itself to you.

9.5.09

sightseeing

9.4.09

inspired 2

9.3.09

the perpetual cone of shame

9.2.09

kobbetown

9.1.09

can't fight city hall